Setting Boundaries to Protect Personal Time

Marie K. Holowaychuk, DVM, DACVECC, Reviving Veterinary Medicine, Calgary, Alberta, Canada

ArticleLast Updated July 20184 min readPeer Reviewed
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Most veterinary professionals have experienced the dreaded Sunday evening text message: Sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a question about my dog?

The message could be from a friend, neighbor, or family member and can elicit feelings of resentment, frustration, and anger (eg, How can this person think it is okay to contact me late on a Sunday night? or Just because I work at a veterinary practice does not mean I am obligated to spend my spare time answering veterinary-related questions!) These completely normal reactions signal that a boundary clearly has been crossed.

Unfortunately, setting and adhering to healthy boundaries is difficult and requires awareness and practice. However, the increasing use of smartphones and social media makes setting and sticking to boundaries more important than ever.

Unhealthy Boundaries

Unhealthy boundaries occur when we do not set limits on ourselves or others. Some examples include giving out personal contact information, responding to work-related messages at all hours, and over-sharing personal information with clients or team members on social media. These situations result in resentment and regret and are a common cause of anxiety, fatigue, and burnout.1,2

Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential to maintain strong relationships and foster work‒life balance. Healthy boundaries help people avoid situations in which they feel taken advantage of (ie, working during time off) and protect time dedicated to personal wellbeing.2,3 

Following are some practical steps to help set and maintain boundaries.

  • Identify limits. Every person has physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual limits that must be honored to foster a sense of empowerment and wellbeing. Recognize veterinary-related questions that are tolerable and acceptable outside of work.      

  • Tune in to feelings. If requests for advice via social media, email, or personal cell phone lead to anxiety, discomfort, or feelings of disrespect, recognize that a boundary needs to be set. Feeling resentful or uneasy or experiencing energy loss indicates a boundary has been crossed. 

  • Recognize the boundary. Practice self-awareness when feeling taken advantage of or a lack of appreciation. Think about what makes the situation, interaction, or expectation bothersome and how it can be prevented. Perhaps the specific individual making the contact, the time of day, the type of question being asked, or the method of contact is the problem.   

  • Be direct. People are not mind readers and they may not intuitively know when they have crossed a boundary; therefore, be prepared to directly communicate expectations (eg, availability for work-related questions, appropriate methods of contact, anticipated response times). 

  • Be assertive. Setting boundaries is not enough—they must be maintained. Defending, debating, or overexplaining the situation is not necessary. Simply be firm, gracious, and direct. (See Setting Boundaries in Practice.) Remember that giving in sends the message that a boundary does not exist.

  • Start small. Setting boundaries and communicating assertively can feel overwhelming. These skills take courage and practice, but they can be mastered. Start with less-threatening boundaries with clients and team members (eg, not responding to work-related emails outside of business hours) and move to more challenging boundaries with family and friends (eg, not discussing veterinary-related questions at social gatherings).  

  • Grant permission. Veterinary care providers are givers by nature and have difficulty saying No. Recognize that doing things out of fear, guilt, or self-doubt will only lead to future resentment and exhaustion. Boundaries are a sign of self-respect and must be respected and preserved. Give yourself permission to say No.

  • Enlist support. If a person tends to ignore his or her own needs and to always focus on others, emotional and physical exhaustion are inevitable. If setting boundaries is too difficult, seek support from a counselor, therapist, life coach, mentor, or friend. Accountability to another person may be enough to foster and maintain healthy boundaries. 

  • Make personal time a priority. Veterinary care providers need time for self-care and nonveterinary activities to foster resilience and wellbeing. Protect this time by setting and adhering to boundaries to conserve energy and allow a more positive outlook.

Conclusion

Creating healthy boundaries helps maintain work‒life balance, promote resilience, and develop stronger coping strategies. Also, making healthy boundaries part of the practice culture can ensure that all veterinary team members foster personal and professional wellbeing. Today’s constant accessibility via social media and smartphones make boundaries essential to protect personal time and stay healthy.