Addressing the Angry Client: Empathize & Apologize

The Case

Mrs. Warner appeared satisfied as she left the practice with Stella, her 9-year-old Corgi crossbreed, after a routine wellness examination. She had expressed concern about her pet’s stiffness after walks, and you had recommended an NSAID trial.

Later that day, much to your surprise, the receptionist passed the phone to you with an irate Mr. Warner, furious that you would “force some unnecessary treatment on Stella and make us pay for it.” He ranted about “money-grubbing medical professionals” and complained that you were “taking all our money with your increased prices.” You take a deep breath, listen, and let Mr. Warner finish venting.

The Veterinarian’s Perspective

It is easy to become both defensive and angry or to withdraw and retreat in response to an accusation that you are “all about the money.” The challenge is to stay in the moment and not take things personally. Another person’s anger is not ours to control, but our reaction can influence his or her responses. This involves setting aside our perspective and looking from the client’s point of view.

The Client’s Perspective

It is clear that Mr. Warner is very angry, so take time to reflect on the best response. Remind yourself that he may not necessarily be angry at you. Step into his life for a few minutes; you don’t know what happened during the day, the stresses he faces, or the exact cause of his reaction. Maybe he lost a valuable account at work or incurred some unexpected health expenses, and your  bill pushed him over the edge. Could his anger be a mask for his guilt that he and his wife cannot do more for Stella?

Plan of Action

Apologizing

A simple apology can go a long way toward diffusing an angry client’s emotions. Use inclusive language to bring him or her into the conversation. 

“I apologize that I did not go over Stella’s care plan with your wife during Stella’s examination. I will make a note in her chart to discuss finances with both of you [inclusion] in the future.”

Empathizing

Viewing the situation from Mr. Warner’s perspective allows you to become empathetic in your response. Empathy involves taking yourself and your feelings out of the equation, although empathizing with an angry or upset client who is blaming you can be difficult.

“This economy is tough, and unexpected expenses can really throw us for a loop [empathy].”

“I hear that you are upset about the cost of Stella’s care and that the bill took you by surprise [empathy].”

When employing empathy, you are not necessarily agreeing with the client or condoning his or her feelings and behaviors; you are simply reflecting the client’s concerns and allowing him or her to feel valued. Acknowledging the client’s feelings is critical for diffusing intense emotions.

Leading the Way

Use nonverbal tools, such as slowing down your rate of speaking, lowering your voice, and using a gentle tone of voice, to lead Mr. Warner to relax and let go of some of his anger.

Asking vs Telling

Use open-ended questions to encourage Mr. Warner to share why he is so angry, invite him to vent, and let him calm down. This approach optimizes your time and ensures that you fully understand his complaints, feelings, and expectations. As he answers your open-ended questions, Mr. Warner can reflect on the reason for his anger, which may douse some fuel from the fire. Open-ended questions or statements usually begin with how, what, tell me, describe for me, or share with me.

“I hear your anger about the bill [empathy]. Tell me more about your concerns [open-ended statement].”

“What questions do you have about Stella’s treatment today [open-ended question]?”

Pausing

Adding a pause in the conversation can also encourage clients to tell their story. Resisting the urge to interrupt Mr. Warner allows him to fully disclose his concerns. You may not agree with the way he is relaying information or with what he is saying, but waiting for him to get all his feelings out on the table helps you address the issues without any further surprises. Allowing people to vent and making them feel heard are key approaches to diffusing anger.

Pointing

Now that you have heard the full story, you can reduce Mr. Warner’s anxiety, stress, and uncertainty by helping him focus on the discussion rather than his anger. Asking permission and sign posting help accomplish this.

Asking permission is a gentle, respectful way of checking if the client is ready to take the next step with you. Sign posting gives the conversation structure by allowing you to reflect on where you have been and highlight the path forward. 

“Thanks for sharing your concerns with me [appreciation]. If it is all right with you [asking permission], I would like to work together to come up with a plan that works for you, Stella, and me [partnership] regarding her treatment and the costs involved [sign posting].”

“You mentioned raising prices at our clinic [reflective listening]. Is it okay if we take a look at the bill together [asking permission] so that I can get a better sense of the problem [sign posting]? Then we can work together to find a solution [partnership].”

If you are unable to resolve the matter on the telephone, inviting the client to your practice for a face-to-face discussion to review Stella’s care plan together may be an effective alternative approach.

Conclusion

Conversations with angry clients can be tricky, especially over the phone. A sincere apology up front often helps diffuse the situation and allows for a more civil conversation. Empathy helps the client feel valued, heard, and appreciated. Open-ended questions, followed by pauses, allow you to draw out the meaning behind the anger. Then, asking permission and providing sign posts pave the way for problem-solving, compromise, and negotiation.