Through Their Eyes

I had some surgery on my elbow last December. Afterward I was sporting a nifty green cast on my arm. Naturally, my clients saw me with the apparent broken wing and all wanted to know what happened. The surgical procedure went well. I was a good patient, and went back for my recheck as directed. The cast was removed and all seemed good.

Two days later, for no obvious reason, the incision on the elbow dehisced. Honestly, it was pretty dramatic. If I did not have medical training, I would have been grossed out. When I bent my elbow the skin split, spurting blood and serum all over the floor and cabinets (it would have made a great scene for a CSI episode).

I didn't panic. After packing the open lesion with sterile gauze and wrapping the arm I called the surgeon and scheduled recheck. Well, naturally, the next time I went in to work I was wearing a new bandage. Once again, people had questions - “What happened?” “I thought it was all healed!” “You gonna be okay?”

I appreciated the concern. But, two of the comments struck home.

“I hope you're not going to pay that doctor!”

and..

“You're not going to have to pay to have it re-done, are you?”

It is amazing how people think. We often believe that these comments only come from our veterinary clients. How many times have you heard “You charge for a recheck?”

It is also interesting how people seem to always assign blame to someone else. “It happened to me, but, I should not be responsible.”

One of my very own employees had a horribly sad experience. Her husband was a chain smoker as well as a functional alcoholic. He was in his late 50's, and to his credit, worked very hard in a blue-collar job.

Tragically, one very hot and humid day while at work he had a heart attack. 911 was called and he was rushed to the hospital where he underwent an emergency bypass. Thank God, he recovered well. On discharge, he was told, under no uncertain terms, that he had to stop drinking and smoking.

While nursing his sixth Bud of the afternoon he explained to me that he did not want to give up everything he liked about life. If he only had a short time left, it was not fair that he should have to suffer. After a brief discussion with his wife he decided that he would give up the smokes, but, he could not let go of the beer.

Four heart attacks later (spread out over the next 15 months) he was not so lucky. His last was major and the coroner said he was dead before he hit the ground.

My employee was devastated. She said that she could NOT see this coming. “How could he have died when he was under the care of a specialist?”

I listened to her sadness. I tried to offer comfort and compassion. She just did not understand that her husband was not the perfect, compliant patient, and that he had bad disease. In her mind, fixed is fixed. Her husband should not have perished while under the direct care of a doctor.

The shock of losing her husband was overwhelming. She resigned and moved away. The last I heard, she was suing the cardiologist.

One of my favorite professors in veterinary school once told me that you should expect that your clients will not understand anything that you tell them. I am not sure if I agree with that statement as gospel, but, I think we all know that what we say is not always what they hear. Not only that, what we say, after being filtered through the INTERNET after they get home, often takes on different meanings.

Most of us are taught about, or at least heard of, the five stages of grief (Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying). A person does not have to experience a death to be subject to these emotional extremes. Obviously death, bad news, or anything unexpected can be a trigger.

Logic does not govern emotional reaction. When we talk to our clients we have to remember that what seems clear to us, what seems patently obvious, can sound like a foreign language to them. How do you make sure your points get across? How do you ensure that your eyes and their eyes are all looking at the same page?